Please, Grammar, Don't Hurt 'Em

I think my penchant for the parody has been well documented. And I must say, I had fallen out of practice for a few years. But, good friend and local celebrity Susan Morris sent me a terribly funny image one day a few years ago that got me back into the swing of things.

I penned this fine parody for my coworkers and since it also supports one of my other loves, grammar, I thought I would share it here too. So, we're takin' it back to the old school because I'm an old fool . . . well we'll just leave it at that. I know you know this one:

They Can’t Proof This

(sing to the tune of “U Can’t Touch This”)

My, my, my, my markings hit them so hard–

Makes me say, “Oh, my Lord,

Thank you for blessing me

With a colorful pen and handwriting that’s neat.”

Feels good when you know you’re down

A super-dope homegirl who knows her nouns,

And I’m known for catching goofs

And this is why they can’t proof.

I told you homeboy, u can’t proof this.

Yeah that’s how we’re proofin’, and you know u can’t proof this.

Look in my eyes, man; u can’t proof this.

You know let me bust the funky punctuation; u can’t proof this.

Give me a sentence or a paragraph

Making ’em correct; that’s what I'm talkin’ ’bout.

Now they know

You talk about the Grammar when you’re talking ’bout a word

That’s spelled so right.

Authors are sweatin’, so pass them a wipe

Or a book to learn

What it’s gonna take to make me turn

Their words legit.

Either mark hard, or you might as well quit.

That’s word because you know

They can’t proof this.

They can’t proof this.

Break it down!

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Stop! Grammar time!

“Make it flow” it is said.

If you can’t conjugate verbs, then you probably are dead.

So wave your pens in the air.

Change a few words; use an ellipsis if you dare.

Don’t let those participles dangle.

English is their first language? Yeah, but it’s mangled.

Now, do those verbs agree?

Just for a minute let’s all look and see.

Sea? Sí? See! Yeah, they can’t proof this.

Homophones? They can’t proof this.

You’ll probably catch typos ’cause you know they can’t, they can’t proof this.

Ring the bell; school’s back in; break it down!

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Stop! Grammar time!

Every time you see me, my Grammar’s just so tight.

I’m dope on the page, and I’m magic when I write.

Now why would I ever stop doing this

With authors writin’ pages that just don’t fit?

I’ve proofed at all times—at night and in the day

It’s Grammar, go Grammar, MC Grammar, yo Grammar, and the rest can go and play.

They can’t proof this.

Yeah, they can’t proof this.

I told you—they can’t proof this.

Too hype—can’t proof this.

Get me outta here; they can’t proof this.